Title: A Perfect Circle

Archive: Lists; others ask.

Fandom: Alias

Spoilers: Season Two

Pairing: Will/Vaughn

Rating: PG-13

Summary: He remembers.

Disclaimer: Belongs to JJ, Bad Robot, ABC, etc. I make no money. Don't sue.

*

He remembers the first time Vaughn kissed him. His mouth tasted clean and fresh, and it was *so* good -- even though Will couldn't help but compare it to the time he kissed Sydney. The time it ended up meaning nothing.

But Vaughn kept kissing him, didn't explain it away with a friendly speech. He did it again.

Will responded, licking the inside of Vaughn's mouth, going farther than he'd ever gone with Syd.

He remembers the first time they had sex. It was the culmination of weeks of sneaking around, messy kisses, even messier groping. His legs were flung over Vaughn's shoulders as he pushed inside him, but Will couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking about Sydney.

Maybe this was all about Sydney; they were only doing this because they couldn't have her.

But he let it happen anyway, surrendered himself to the feelings. It was just sex, after all.

Those words seemed to describe all of his relationships. He never did know what to do with a real connection except screw it up. He wondered if Vaughn had the same problem, if emotional confusion stretched beyond his affection for Sydney.

He couldn't tell from Vaughn's eyes. He wondered what Vaughn saw in his expression, if he saw a friend, enemy, lover, or nothing at all underneath his body.

He would never ask him that.

He remembers their other times together with less precision. He's not even sure how many times they fucked during those last few months of SD-6's existence. Twenty? Thirty? More? It's so hard to say, even harder to understand.

But it happened, kept happening.

Stopped. Stopped because Syd and Vaughn killed a giant, managed to remove the obstacle that stood between them.

He remembers the first time he saw them together, fingers intertwined, lips curled. He knew that they were together. Perfect. In love.

All that bullshit.

He knew that he and Vaughn would never be again. He also knew that he didn't want Sydney anymore. And he *definitely* knew he'd always feel guilty when he saw them, when he couldn't look at the couple without feeling the angry jealousy of a lover who meant nothing.

He remembers it vividly every single day, since it is now his life.

He remembers.

He can forget about ever feeling happy again.

END